Archive | June, 2012

#18 Journey Proud

25 Jun

This Butch wife and her Femme wife are headed out into the world over the next month, so the blog will be on vacation for a while.  I did want to talk a bit about preparing for such a trip.  Packing can be tense.  What to take?  How much to take?  Predicting the weather at the places we plan to visit well beyond what any official forecasters are willing to do can be exhausting.  Do you need two tubes of toothpaste or will you be sharing with others?  Do you lay your clothes flat in a suitcase, neatly folded or rolled?  I’m a roller, myself, as it seems to keep the wrinkles down better.

I read a Ricky Steves travel guide-book once that recommended the ideal amount of ‘stuff’ to take on a trip.  It broke down something like this:  2 pair of pants, five shirts, five pair of underwear and socks, a sweater and jacket, a swimsuit just in case, maybe a hat if you’re a hat person, and your toiletries.  Seemed sensible.  After all, you can always go to a laundromat and wash things each week.  And since you really don’t tend to see the same people all the time, repeating your daily garb won’t be apparent to anyone you run into the next day except you and your wife.  However with my wife, color coordination and a theme are essential to appropriate packing.  I won’t go into the details about this, but suffice to say, if everything you take doesn’t mix and match, you are forever banned from stepping onto foreign soil. (I keep it simple with blacks and whites as these go with anything.)

Do you notice a general tension before you take off on a trip? I do.  My housekeeper from growing up used to call this being ”journey proud.”  Great term isn’t it? Journey Proud.  Being excited about going to a place – even in our case where we don’t speak the language well, are not sure how to order our food easily, can’t read the road signs, and have absolutely no idea where ANYTHING really is.  Now that’s journey proud.

Being journey proud doesn’t stay with you.  We’ve always found once we are out in the world and away from our home country, the journey pride tension disappears almost immediately.  Our desire to experience different cultures takes over, and getting lost is a general state of being for us while on the road.  Eventually we do find ourselves with enough maps, but the stories we get into while lost have always been fun.

So to my loyal followers out there, thank you so much for encouraging me to keep writing.  Please ask your friends if they would like to follow the blog as well.  We will, however, be offline for a month.   We do a travelogue while on the road for friends and family and will continue that during this trip.  For all others, please be patient and I will get back into the blog in August.   Until then, bon voyage, y’all!  (Do you think the French will mind the colloquialism?  Probably.)

Butch Wife Tip #18

When getting ready for a trip, be easy on one another.   And if you are journeying to another country, check out the gay laws before you go because some places will shoot you for being gay.  Those places I would recommend you avoid.

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

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#17 You’re Okay Just the Way You Are

16 Jun

I think there’s a moment in some butch wives lives (boy, try saying that 5 times real fast – wives lives, wives lives, wives….oh, never mind) when one’s attempts at appropriate social decorum may come into question.  I had one such moment the other night while investigating a loud noise in our yard.  Our dog started barking in the middle of the night which woke me up.  Not an unusual occurrence in our household, but a consistently loud one nonetheless.  I got out of bed, opened the back door, and wandered onto the porch for a look around, closing the door behind me.  As soon as I left the door space I felt it creep up my back and neck -  the realization I had just locked myself out.

Now normally this is not a major issue.  Planning ahead for contingencies, we have provisions for just such a situation because we have locked ourselves out several times in the past.  But in this case, I was drowsy, half-naked and bare footed, and assumed I would have to come around the house and into the front door to get back in. Immediately the thought of going out the back gate with just my t-shirt on and a rather exposed bare bottom seemed, well, unseemly.  My first steps were to check again and make sure I couldn’t break into my door, which, of course I couldn’t, but I had to try.

My mind started racing.  The thought of someone seeing an older grey haired woman, bare bottomed and without shoes hopping and yelping along the side of a darkened house at 3 in the morning could be humiliating for a truly butch wife.  Right? Could this situation be cause for losing my ‘Butch Wife Extraordinaire’ card for all time.  What if a policeman caught me trying to get into my house?  Would going to jail for breaking and entering really be a good idea while wearing only a t-shirt and no bottoms?

Therefore, I did the only thing I could under the circumstances.  I turned on the dog and blamed him for closing the door in the first place!  No actually I tried to find a place to sit and think about the best way to avoid the social humility of walking up our street half-naked.  This turned out to be harder than one might think, since it gets foggy around here at night and finding a dry spot to sit on that avoids the possibility of splinters wasn’t easy.  It’s not like pulling off a thoughtful pose like Rodin’s The Thinker or anything, but I was able to situate each cheek just so nothing got pinched or bruised on the only dry spot I could find.

Do real butch wives actually have these kinds of thoughts or issues I wondered.  After all, we’ve all done something dumb like this, right?  Anyway, the avoidance of public humiliation was achieved when I remembered I hadn’t locked the upstairs deck doors.  Upon inspection sure enough I could get in without running half-naked through the neighborhood and felt safe and warm once my bare bottom was inside.

But the whole situation brought up a question for me in the end (no pun intended here).  How do we learn shame?  I saw a movie once where the parent asked his gay son, “When did I teach you shame?” when the son was reluctant to come out to his family.  They knew he was gay and loved him anyway but somehow this son couldn’t accept it in himself.

Being caught in the cold with less than is generally accepted clothing on reminded me that shame IS taught.  I like to think the use of ‘shameful’ is more directed at what one does perhaps rather than for who someone is.  However, some think anyone who is not like themselves must at their very core be a ’shame to mankind.’  Can you imagine growing up with the knowledge that your family and those who are supposed to love you unconditionally think you are a ‘shame to mankind?’  Wow.  Can’t say I know any one person with that much power to impact all of mankind, except maybe John Lennon.  But that’s just me.  I vote for the elimination of ‘shame’ from our social lexicon.   What d’ya say?

Butch Wife Tip #17

Question: Do you realize how cold and wet outdoor furniture gets in the middle of the night?  I do now, and caution all to check the targeted sitting apparatus with your hand before plopping down on it with a bare bottom after 1am in San Francisco.  For those of you who simply MUST plan ahead, ensure your sleeping t-shirts are long enough to cover your butt when you sit down.  Improper t-shirt length considerations could someday lead to handcuffed arrests for indecent exposure.  I’m just saying…and if you ARE caught wearing less than you’d prefer, stand proud and tall with confidence, because you are okay just as you are.  (You could try whistling but then that might not look good given the circumstances. )

Julie Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

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#16 It’s Not My Color!

12 Jun

We are getting ready for a trip to France and that, of course, entails LOTS of discussions around what to bring.  I tend to travel light being a graduate of the Ricky Steves travel guides.  My wife also travels generally light, but everything must be color coordinated with everything else.  This is non-negotiable.

Way back in the day a very good friend of ours ‘did our colors.’  For those of you who have not enjoyed this particular ‘must do’ in adult living, the theory is simple.  Everyone can be categorized into generally 4 pallets of color, adoringly named as a season – summer, fall, winter, or spring.  If you thought there were 8 or 12 categories of human, I’m here to say those other methods of dictating exactly who and what you are by general statements of existence don’t count. When it comes to dressing “one must have their colors done” to avoid the immense public humiliation of being caught wearing some article of clothing that doesn’t match perfectly the shades of color for your body type.

I’m a winter.  Don’t ask me why, I just am and have learned to accept it.  Dark hair, blue eyes.  That seems to be my mold. My wife is a spring, I think. Blond hair, blue eyes.  I am supposed to wear colors like royal blues, blue-ish reds, and deep greens, even black and white.  My wife wears army greens, golds, yellows, orange reds, and tans.  The Giants baseball team colors are perfect for her.  I’m more a Giants football team color type of person.

Our housekeepers can always tell which closet to put clothes in by the color schemes.  I have in a fit of closet mania, organized my shirts into areas of color with corresponding colored hangers.  (I have to admit that episode in my life was not something I was proud of and have since stopped.  The stress alone of maintaining that approach to storage was too much for me.)

I admit having gone through the appropriate color evaluation and ultimate scheme designation, my life seems simpler now.  When I go into a store, I don’t waste time at racks of clothing not in my color scheme.  I only go to where I see my colors.  No more am I buying clothes that once you put them on just don’t seem right somehow next to your skin.  And when those sales girls of 12 (aren’t they all 12?) come bouncing up to me wanting to put me in pink capris and tight knit sweaters I can confidently turn on them without malice and note they are just not in my colors.  This saves a lot of hurt feelings on both sides, believe me.

Butch Tip #16

Know your colors, know your fabrics.  That’s what my wife says all the time.  And when you pack things for traveling, don’t worry about mixing and matching with your mate.  Chances are you are two different color schemes and can easily pick out your stuff from hers.  But probably most important to remember, once you know your colors, you will never make the mistake again of buying her the wrong piece of clothing at least due to color.  Staying in her palette is a winning combination on a lot of fronts….I’m just sayin’.

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

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#15 What D’ya Mean Lean Right?!

9 Jun

Gay Pride month in San Francisco has started.  This is when the entire city dresses up in our rainbow colors and the TV stations play movies and hold discussion panels on topics ‘of substance’ and ‘import’ on being gay.  Visitors from all over the world come to celebrate their lives, as do we who live here.  And gay couples blatantly display acts of love and caring for one another in the streets.  Oh My!!!

Back in the 80’s I used to be on the board of directors for the Pride Foundation.  We were the group that coordinated the development of the gay flag for our community.  I remember the first year we started placing the flags up and down Market Street for our parade.  What a feeling of freedom to see them.   I friend of mine and I were trying to get the flags attached to light poles along the route before the parade started that first year when he said to me, “We may never get these down again.”  And now to note the rainbow symbol spread all over the world is something that just seems incredible to me.  No, Michael, I doubt these flags will ever be brought down again.

One of the best shows in the Gay Parade for San Francisco begins the parade.  ‘Dykes on Bikes.’  Butch Wives with horse power!!!  I think every butch wife should try a motor cycle at least once in their life.  You can do it – put that strong conviction of yours to the test and get one.  I would recommend you start off with a ‘smallish’ size first to see if you really feel okay with it.  I bet the first time you open up the accelerator and feel the power between your legs……….well, I’m just sayin’!!!!!

I bought a motor scooter one time.  It was Italian (Aprilia Scarabeo) and could make it up the hills of San Francisco with no problem at all.  However, when I took my wife for rides on it she invariably would be leaning left when I was leaning right.  Not good form on a motorized vehicle, open to the air on all sides.  And she told me my driving scares her to death in a car, so you can imagine her fear on a cycle!  This from a lady who drives looking sideways into people’s houses along the street, searching for new decorating tips!

Butch Wife Tip #15

Its Gay Pride month – be proud of who and what you are, and remember you’re okay just the way you are.  And if your wife has trepidations about getting a motorcycle, take heed because if she leans left while you’re turning right it won’t be a good look for anyone.  I’m just sayin’……………

Julie Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

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#14 No MSG please

8 Jun

My wife has taken a short trip back to see her folks in Michigan, leaving me to fend for myself while she is gone.  Normally, a hiatus from each other every so often is a good thing, as I then sleep when I want, wake when I want, and, wait for it, yes, even cook what I want to eat!!!  These are all good things until the ‘cook what I want’ part comes up.

Now I’m a whiz when it comes to breakfast – I can cook an egg just about anyway you’d like to eat it.  When I was in college, I lived on eggs and toast for years. Scrambled, fried, even poached, if that’s your liking, and I make a mean deviled egg during the holidays.  And lunches with a salad or sandwich are easily obtained from any close deli or corner grocer.

But nightly when it comes to ‘what I want to eat’ part, that’s another story.  I seem to be bending to a more Asian cuisine lately. A friend of ours gave us a wok and a Martin Yan cookbook to get us started.  Asian dishes take a bit to pull together, as I’ve discovered trying some of the basic recipes in this cookbook.  And in Asian dishes there are many ingredients and of course sauces – poison sauce, hoisun sauce, fish sauce, hot sauce, cold sauce, ‘God only knows whats in it but it must be eaten with this dish’ sauce. You get the picture. These dishes aren’t the kind you just open a can of this and a can of that and mix together until smooth.  Noooooo.  You have to chop, dice, combine, heat, cool, mix, wrap, dunk and finally savor those 2000+ tastes coming together in that first bite of spring roll you just made from scratch.  Ah, it’s a feeling of real accomplishment when you are ready to actually eat that Asian combination of colors and smells you just ‘whipped’ up.

I friend of mine told me recently she went into an Asian grocery store in San Francisco looking to buy lemon zest.  (Okay, who caught this first mistake?) and came out with only a bunch of bananas cause she couldn’t tell what was what, and when and where the various stuff on those shelves should be used.  I kinda feel that way when going into a fancy lingerie shop.  I don’t know why but I chalk that up to a genetic quirk in my makeup.

Butch Wife Tip #14

When you’re on your own and its time for dinner, cooking Asian food on your own is tricky and requires several sets of hands to get it all put together before midnight.  Therefore, my tip is to go to a good Asian restaurant, order a healthy selection of veggies and fish, and savor the varied sauces they bring to you.  Someone spent all day pulling those ingredients together and should be applauded for the effort.

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

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#13 Shall We Dance?

6 Jun

I was sitting on our deck today watching the world go by and had a thought.  I know they don’t come as often or as concise I’d like, but there you are…….and here is one.  Should butch wives succumb to the music in their ears and spontaneously burst into dance moves no matter where we are?  Once those little white wires are firmly affixed to our heads and ears, can we actually avoid such an outburst of bodily movement?

I decided to take a survey.  While watching the world run, walk and skip by the house, I took notice of those female persons with earplugs.  The first concern was were those under surveillance likely butch wives…….and in a totally unscientific decision process I decided most were. After all this is Bernal Heights in San Francisco – the lesbian, dog, and vegan capital of the world I think.

Of the dozen or so individuals I saw with ear plugs in, all but 2 had a distinctive rhythm to their gait but no display of total abandonment or sudden bursts of twirls or high leg kicks. One woman with ear plugs looked like they were listening to a lecture on something, and had no particular rhythm in her step at all – often stopping and starting for no apparent reason.  Another one seemed to be talking into their wires so I assumed they were on the phone sans music and eliminated them from the study.

So my original question had yet to be answered……….should butch wives abandon any sense of decorum and burst into dance when our music receptors are tweaked?  From the survey it is clear most people can’t help but respond to rhythmic sounds no matter where we are or how we feel.  A foot begins to move up and down without any awareness on our part, or a finger begins to tap the table to the beat of the music in your ear.  I find if I’m feeling low, music will also bring a smile or sense of ’okayness’ to my soul, and the world just seems like a better place.

Butch Wife Tip #13

When you’re down or out of sorts for any reason, turn on your radio or music player, grab your wife, and dance with abandon.  It’s the one thing we all have in common regardless of our choices in life.  And its the one thing that seems to always, without fail, put a smile on your face every time you do it.  So do it!!

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

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Aside

I was recently …

4 Jun

I was recently confronted with the loss of a relative.  I know these things happen, but each time a loved one dies, for me it still hurts just as much as the first time I lost someone I loved.  No one can make that loss seem less of a hole in my life, regardless of how close I am to the ones trying to fill it or how much they care about me.

And doesn’t it feel strange when you realize the next day actually arrives on time and the pets still need to be fed, and the dust bunnies are still gathering in the corners of the hallway waiting to take over when you’re not looking.  You’d think that in times like this life would take a moment to reflect and feel the loss.  But it doesn’t….it just keeps spinning.

This made me think when I die I’d like someone to take a moment and weep for me.  It seems fitting……..and right…..and a loving thing to do.   So here’s a moment for you, David………….You were so loved and adored by all who knew you.  The world is less because we lost you too early, and my world was so much more because you were in it.   Thank you for touching so many with the great gift of you.   You WILL be missed by many.

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinarie-in-Training

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