Tag Archives: dyke

#18 Journey Proud

25 Jun

This Butch wife and her Femme wife are headed out into the world over the next month, so the blog will be on vacation for a while.  I did want to talk a bit about preparing for such a trip.  Packing can be tense.  What to take?  How much to take?  Predicting the weather at the places we plan to visit well beyond what any official forecasters are willing to do can be exhausting.  Do you need two tubes of toothpaste or will you be sharing with others?  Do you lay your clothes flat in a suitcase, neatly folded or rolled?  I’m a roller, myself, as it seems to keep the wrinkles down better.

I read a Ricky Steves travel guide-book once that recommended the ideal amount of ‘stuff’ to take on a trip.  It broke down something like this:  2 pair of pants, five shirts, five pair of underwear and socks, a sweater and jacket, a swimsuit just in case, maybe a hat if you’re a hat person, and your toiletries.  Seemed sensible.  After all, you can always go to a laundromat and wash things each week.  And since you really don’t tend to see the same people all the time, repeating your daily garb won’t be apparent to anyone you run into the next day except you and your wife.  However with my wife, color coordination and a theme are essential to appropriate packing.  I won’t go into the details about this, but suffice to say, if everything you take doesn’t mix and match, you are forever banned from stepping onto foreign soil. (I keep it simple with blacks and whites as these go with anything.)

Do you notice a general tension before you take off on a trip? I do.  My housekeeper from growing up used to call this being ”journey proud.”  Great term isn’t it? Journey Proud.  Being excited about going to a place – even in our case where we don’t speak the language well, are not sure how to order our food easily, can’t read the road signs, and have absolutely no idea where ANYTHING really is.  Now that’s journey proud.

Being journey proud doesn’t stay with you.  We’ve always found once we are out in the world and away from our home country, the journey pride tension disappears almost immediately.  Our desire to experience different cultures takes over, and getting lost is a general state of being for us while on the road.  Eventually we do find ourselves with enough maps, but the stories we get into while lost have always been fun.

So to my loyal followers out there, thank you so much for encouraging me to keep writing.  Please ask your friends if they would like to follow the blog as well.  We will, however, be offline for a month.   We do a travelogue while on the road for friends and family and will continue that during this trip.  For all others, please be patient and I will get back into the blog in August.   Until then, bon voyage, y’all!  (Do you think the French will mind the colloquialism?  Probably.)

Butch Wife Tip #18

When getting ready for a trip, be easy on one another.   And if you are journeying to another country, check out the gay laws before you go because some places will shoot you for being gay.  Those places I would recommend you avoid.

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

#16 It’s Not My Color!

12 Jun

We are getting ready for a trip to France and that, of course, entails LOTS of discussions around what to bring.  I tend to travel light being a graduate of the Ricky Steves travel guides.  My wife also travels generally light, but everything must be color coordinated with everything else.  This is non-negotiable.

Way back in the day a very good friend of ours ‘did our colors.’  For those of you who have not enjoyed this particular ‘must do’ in adult living, the theory is simple.  Everyone can be categorized into generally 4 pallets of color, adoringly named as a season – summer, fall, winter, or spring.  If you thought there were 8 or 12 categories of human, I’m here to say those other methods of dictating exactly who and what you are by general statements of existence don’t count. When it comes to dressing “one must have their colors done” to avoid the immense public humiliation of being caught wearing some article of clothing that doesn’t match perfectly the shades of color for your body type.

I’m a winter.  Don’t ask me why, I just am and have learned to accept it.  Dark hair, blue eyes.  That seems to be my mold. My wife is a spring, I think. Blond hair, blue eyes.  I am supposed to wear colors like royal blues, blue-ish reds, and deep greens, even black and white.  My wife wears army greens, golds, yellows, orange reds, and tans.  The Giants baseball team colors are perfect for her.  I’m more a Giants football team color type of person.

Our housekeepers can always tell which closet to put clothes in by the color schemes.  I have in a fit of closet mania, organized my shirts into areas of color with corresponding colored hangers.  (I have to admit that episode in my life was not something I was proud of and have since stopped.  The stress alone of maintaining that approach to storage was too much for me.)

I admit having gone through the appropriate color evaluation and ultimate scheme designation, my life seems simpler now.  When I go into a store, I don’t waste time at racks of clothing not in my color scheme.  I only go to where I see my colors.  No more am I buying clothes that once you put them on just don’t seem right somehow next to your skin.  And when those sales girls of 12 (aren’t they all 12?) come bouncing up to me wanting to put me in pink capris and tight knit sweaters I can confidently turn on them without malice and note they are just not in my colors.  This saves a lot of hurt feelings on both sides, believe me.

Butch Tip #16

Know your colors, know your fabrics.  That’s what my wife says all the time.  And when you pack things for traveling, don’t worry about mixing and matching with your mate.  Chances are you are two different color schemes and can easily pick out your stuff from hers.  But probably most important to remember, once you know your colors, you will never make the mistake again of buying her the wrong piece of clothing at least due to color.  Staying in her palette is a winning combination on a lot of fronts….I’m just sayin’.

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

#14 No MSG please

8 Jun

My wife has taken a short trip back to see her folks in Michigan, leaving me to fend for myself while she is gone.  Normally, a hiatus from each other every so often is a good thing, as I then sleep when I want, wake when I want, and, wait for it, yes, even cook what I want to eat!!!  These are all good things until the ‘cook what I want’ part comes up.

Now I’m a whiz when it comes to breakfast – I can cook an egg just about anyway you’d like to eat it.  When I was in college, I lived on eggs and toast for years. Scrambled, fried, even poached, if that’s your liking, and I make a mean deviled egg during the holidays.  And lunches with a salad or sandwich are easily obtained from any close deli or corner grocer.

But nightly when it comes to ‘what I want to eat’ part, that’s another story.  I seem to be bending to a more Asian cuisine lately. A friend of ours gave us a wok and a Martin Yan cookbook to get us started.  Asian dishes take a bit to pull together, as I’ve discovered trying some of the basic recipes in this cookbook.  And in Asian dishes there are many ingredients and of course sauces – poison sauce, hoisun sauce, fish sauce, hot sauce, cold sauce, ‘God only knows whats in it but it must be eaten with this dish’ sauce. You get the picture. These dishes aren’t the kind you just open a can of this and a can of that and mix together until smooth.  Noooooo.  You have to chop, dice, combine, heat, cool, mix, wrap, dunk and finally savor those 2000+ tastes coming together in that first bite of spring roll you just made from scratch.  Ah, it’s a feeling of real accomplishment when you are ready to actually eat that Asian combination of colors and smells you just ‘whipped’ up.

I friend of mine told me recently she went into an Asian grocery store in San Francisco looking to buy lemon zest.  (Okay, who caught this first mistake?) and came out with only a bunch of bananas cause she couldn’t tell what was what, and when and where the various stuff on those shelves should be used.  I kinda feel that way when going into a fancy lingerie shop.  I don’t know why but I chalk that up to a genetic quirk in my makeup.

Butch Wife Tip #14

When you’re on your own and its time for dinner, cooking Asian food on your own is tricky and requires several sets of hands to get it all put together before midnight.  Therefore, my tip is to go to a good Asian restaurant, order a healthy selection of veggies and fish, and savor the varied sauces they bring to you.  Someone spent all day pulling those ingredients together and should be applauded for the effort.

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Aside

I was recently …

4 Jun

I was recently confronted with the loss of a relative.  I know these things happen, but each time a loved one dies, for me it still hurts just as much as the first time I lost someone I loved.  No one can make that loss seem less of a hole in my life, regardless of how close I am to the ones trying to fill it or how much they care about me.

And doesn’t it feel strange when you realize the next day actually arrives on time and the pets still need to be fed, and the dust bunnies are still gathering in the corners of the hallway waiting to take over when you’re not looking.  You’d think that in times like this life would take a moment to reflect and feel the loss.  But it doesn’t….it just keeps spinning.

This made me think when I die I’d like someone to take a moment and weep for me.  It seems fitting……..and right…..and a loving thing to do.   So here’s a moment for you, David………….You were so loved and adored by all who knew you.  The world is less because we lost you too early, and my world was so much more because you were in it.   Thank you for touching so many with the great gift of you.   You WILL be missed by many.

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinarie-in-Training

Tags: , , , , , ,

#12 When in Doubt – Trader Joe’s

28 May

Okay, today I am ignoring those pesky little dust bunnies growing in the corner of the hallway, and am focusing on cooking.  For those butch wives whose cooking skills mirror mine, my sincere sympathies.  There is, however, hope.  Have you discovered Trader Joe’s?  In San Francisco we have several around town, and I have to say, for the two of us, their packaged entrees are just the right size and taste good.

When I started checking out cookbooks to come up with something to fix for dinner, the choices and tasks to complete the recipes noted were daunting.  Living in one of the finest restaurant towns in the world has left me with a good sense of which places and food types I like, but when it comes to preparing them from scratch that’s a whole other story.  In the recipe books I tend to turn to the ingredient listings to decide if this is something we might like to eat.  I have to admit, however, looking at ingredients for me is sometimes like trying to read the Dead Sea Scrolls - I just have no idea what some of this stuff is and whether it can be bought or is a combination of other stuff I have to pull together.  I think cookbooks should tell you if this ingredient is one thing or hybrid of several things.  And they should also add some notes of possible ingredient substitutes in case the one thing needed is just not available in any store a human would go for food.

The ingredients I can read also have some mystery qualities as well.  For example, what is arugula really and why is it better than head lettuce?   And how is aioli different from mayonnaise?  Also what’s the difference between a filet and a fillet?  When are you supposed to use which for beef? Or is there some unspoken knowledge passed down from generation to generation via secret tribal dances where only a few chosen ones actually KNOW?

And when it comes to measurements – exactly how much is a pinch? What if my ‘pinches’ be bigger than the originator of the recipe since my hand is larger?  Doesn’t that mess up the proportions of intended spice to food?   And what about measurements that reference “about” so much should be used.  How much is “about”?  I got no measuring tool for “about.”  Does anyone?

Butch Wife Tip #12

Given the uncertainty here, I have come to rely on Trader Joe’s.  And, for my friends in San Francisco, I have discovered the best time to shop the Trader Joe’s on 9th street is Tuesday morning.  I have lived in this town for over 40 years, and its only been this year that I can say I know when this store is least crowded.  I’m not sure how to feel about this new found knowledge in terms of its relative importance in relation to universal Truths, but there you have it.  Their entrees sizes are just right for one or two people and they can be surprisingly tasty.  So give ‘em a try.  Saves time in prep work that you can spend with your wife wondering why you didn’t go out to dinner in the first place.

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

#11A – Femme Wife Response to Patio Surfing

24 May

And now a perspective from the femme wife’s point of view – ok yes I was towel surfing on a Caribbean island patio shortly after our lives were threatened by a tropical storm however, there was a VERY good reason for this. We had cleared (at my insistence and some general hurricane advice) all the furniture off the lanai. As we prepared to leave I just didn’t have it in me to have our nice French hosts come home to find an empty space where their outside living room used to be. So being the good girl scout that I am I was wiping down the patio in the most efficient way I could think of (i.e. towels on my shuffling feet) while my wife sat by saying, “I told you we didn’t have to clear everything off”. She was right and I was wrong (yes dear I said it!) but I didn’t feel I should have to do all the work just because I had chosen to follow the National Weather Service’s advice and not hers! I was madder than a wet hen about my solo efforts and rather than talk things out like a grown-up I chose to show my displeasure by scowling at my wife each time I shuffled past the window.   Finally, realizing that my imitation of a pissed off locomotive was getting nowhere and I was making a fool of myself , I calmed down and went in to apologize for my childish behavior. I’d been so unpleasant (and yes dear unreasonable) I assumed I would be met with a well-earned cold shoulder. As I began my mea copa Julie could no longer contain her glee and burst into good-natured giggles at my performance. As it turned out we both had a good laugh and to this day we often diffuse marital spats with imitations of the “Femme Wife” shuffle………..

Femme Wife Tip#1:

If you love each other, and don’t take yourself too seriously, even when you’re wrong things can turn out right.

Mindy – Femme Wife Extraordinaire

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

#8 Housekeepers Unite!

22 May

When I was younger I didn’t worry too much about house work.   Basically a bed, a kitchen with a microwave oven, and bathroom were all I needed.  If things weren’t exactly tidy it really didn’t matter much as I wasn’t there all that often.  Once I got into my working years and found my wife, I was staying in more, but house tidiness was again not so much a worry as there was always the two of us to tackle jobs around the house AND a housekeeper to really clean.

Today as I sit in our living room, looking around the house while the wife is at work, my attention isn’t drawn to the cosmic wonders of the universe, or the beauty of our relationship, or even a curiosity about the nature of man.  No, my attention is drawn to the dust bunnies taking over the space under the TV (see previous posts about the nefarious nature of these little buggers).  Then it wanders to the kitchen sink where last night’s dishes need doing.  And, as if that weren’t bad enough, my attention swings over to the bathroom tub that hasn’t been cleaned out in months since we never use it. (Don’t worry we have another bathroom downstairs – the upstairs one is for the cat.) OMG!  Having realized that my mind has been taken over  by sponges, mops, and industrial cleaners, I went running from the room!!

When did I get boring?  I USED to be interesting.  I used to have pithy little comments about the state of affairs around the world.  I used to demonstrate my first-rate education by pontificating about how things worked or didn’t depending on the topic, and I always had a vocal opinion about everything.  I used to have a sense of humor I could count on to ease a tense situation or entice a smile from my partner.  Now, I clean.  I pick up ‘droppings’ of clothes, make the bed, take out the garbage, dust constantly, water the backyard, clean out the hot tub, try to fix something edible for dinner if my wife hasn’t cooked something over the weekend, and even weed for Christ’s sake!!!  Can you believe it?!  Just for the heck of it yesterday, I went outside and weeded the side of our house.   I’m not well and I know it.

Butch Wife Tip #8

I have come to the conclusion that housework is detrimental to your health and should be avoided as much as possible throughout your lifetime.   Therefore, I would advise if at all possible every butch wife find a loyal and expert housekeeper, and then change your will to ensure both you and they are taken care of for the rest of your life.

If you spend your entire day doing nothing but housework, you and your wife will suffer for it.  Your conversations will deteriorate to one word sentences, and your internal index of attractiveness will sink like a brick in water.  Bringing only verbage about chores to a relationship is a killer.  You need to add to the relationship, not bore it to death.  So here’s my “Hoorah” for housekeepers of America, and may they live forever, or at least as long as us.

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

Tags: , , , , , , ,

#5 “I’ll do the dishes, you pick up the mouse guts.”

16 May

There’s one thing I’ve learned since retiring from corporate life, and that’s house chores are NEVER done.  Unlike in business, at least the business I did, when a project came my way I knew it would get “done.”   I worked really hard on it until it was completed, installed, operating normally, or whatever term meant it was over for me.  Then I’d sit back for a time gleaming at the wonderful thing I was involved in that’s making the corporation hum like a bird day in and day out.  I was sure the same type of logic would apply at home as it did in my work.  I identify something that needs doing, (like dusting or making the bed), figure out how to do it to my wife’s satisfaction (sometimes that takes me a while), and then go about completing the tasks to get it done.  When it comes to home projects, I’ve discovered, that’s not how things go.

Household chores keep coming back.  You can’t just finish your chores.  Oh no! The little buggers sneak up on you again and again, demanding new attention as if they’d never been ’attended’ to before!  Take dusting as an example.  Those little dust bunnies, – whoever thought of that name should seek help - returning almost immediately after I’ve pushed them off all visible places on the table.  Why don’t they just stay away????  Even if I use dust spray, and don’t ask me what’s in it, the dust seems to find its way back.  The spray might keep it away for an hour or so, but just wait, it comes right back to cover every inch of anything made of matter and impossible to get at with a cloth.

And take the ‘making the bed’ chore.  I’m not exactly sure why someone decided long ago making the bed EVERY DAY was a necessary thing for us to do, but they did and now I have to.  ’Why’ I ask myself.  You’re just going to be back in it in a few hours anyway so why bother smoothing out those wrinkles from last night and making sure those pillows are lined up exactly on both sides of the bed.  Oh God, save me from this!  I have taken to making the bed while in it, and not worrying about the pillows being ‘just so.’  The trick is to start under the covers and in the middle of the bed.   Pull everything up tight under you chin, making sure they are pretty even on both sides and using your arms to smooth out any bumps.  Then just carefully slip out one side.  Voila!! made bed!  No running from one side of the bed to the other time after time.  No special little folding manuever at the end of the bed to make sure everything stays tucked in at the bottom.  (I think they call those ‘hospital corners.’)  Now, just throw the pillows on the top of the bed and you’re done.  I can do it in under 30 seconds.  Pretty good, uh?!

When it comes to cat chores, however, I would advise a compromise with your mate.  This can be a traumatic experience in our house as our cat is a mouser and doesn’t just kill those pesky, whiskered little things.   She devours them – blood, organs, bones, heads….its disgusting.  We have what we lovingly call a “Cujo” cat.  And she periodically shares parts of what she’s caught, or at least parts of what she’s decided to not eat.   She’s not too fond of rat and therefore, only takes off their heads.  As for mice, she prefers the young ones and typically we don’t find any remains.  The older mice, however, tend to get parts left behind.  We have designated a particular stair on our staircase as her ‘sacrificial alter’ as she often leaves portions of her older mouse kills on one particular step. What a love.  I can’t tell you how many times one or the other of us has headed upstairs first thing in the morning only to step on pieces of intestine languishing on our staircase and our cat sitting right there staring at us as if to say, “See?  I AM a God.”

Butch Wife Tip #5

Share your chores and divide them up based on your skills.  As an example, I do techy and financial stuff, my wife does flowers and pretty things for the house.  That’s certainly not all there is to do, so I’d suggest you get your household together, make a list, and have all participants pick the ones they can or will do.   If there is only one of you, you feel bad about assigning chores to your 2 year old, or you just can’t come to an agreement with your partner or spouse on who is going to do what each week, then hire someone.  I’m convinced those dust bunnies multiply over time and are trying to take over the world!

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

(PS: For those of you who asked – if you want to continue to follow this blog,  just click on the “Follow” box in the upper left side of this page and WordPress will send out an email to you each time its updated.  If you get tired reading this, just unclick that same box, but I hope you don’t.  Also for those who want to leave a comment, and please do, click on the “Leave a Comment” section at the end of each posting and a blank text will open for you to write in.  Once you’ve said your peace just hit ‘Send’ and it’ll show up.)

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 34 other followers

%d bloggers like this: