Tag Archives: gay life

#26 – Bow Wow, Mom

17 Jan

I haven’t written recently because we have been ‘on the road’ for the holidays, and house chores took a definite back seat to life.  Now I find they once again have crept up on my conscience and I have to admit my first response is to run screaming from the house.  I rrrrreeeeaaaallllyyy hate chores.  And my ongoing nemesis, those pesky little dust bunnies, are now climbing up the walls in the closet.  Have I mentioned how much I hate these guys?

I wanted to write however about my dog.  Besides the reality of needing to do house chores slamming into my brain this week, when we returned from England I noted our dog Buster was losing what seemed to be an inordinate amount of weight even though he was eating well.  His coat looked bad and his hair was adding to my ‘dust bunny problem’ more than usual.  He still ran around and played to some extent, but when I had him on my lap and was petting him his hair felt stiff and brittle, and his skin was dry and flaky.  His eyes, always seeming to be pleading for something, were telling me he didn’t feel right inside.  I don’t know about you guys, but when my dog is sick my heart feels like it’s really breaking in two because they can’t tell you where it hurts and you just know they do hurt and yet feel helpless to fix it.  God, I hate that feeling.

My experience with vets tends to normally cost me thousands of dollars every time I walk into their offices, so I decided this time to get some information before going to see one.  Of course I don’t have any dog medical books so I did what any 21st century human does these days, I Googled my dog’s symptoms on the internet.  Come to find out most of the web sites I visited all said Buster’s symptoms seemed to indicate he might have some type of worm.  Ughhh! When I called a vet to confirm my diagnosis and determine costs for correcting this problem I found out it would take hundreds of dollars to examine him, do the lab work, and then more to get whatever medicine might be warranted.

Now, I don’t want to bad mouth vets, but this type of condition for my dog is pretty common, and hundreds of dollars to fix it seemed extraordinary.  So I decided to keep looking and found a web site for beagles that talked about worms for dogs.  Who knew there was a web site just for beagle owners?  But of course, you might say, the internet has a web site for ANY THING.  I respond – of course it does-my bad.  I even found web sites for mutts.  Go figure.

Anyway, I digress…..the guy who writes for beagles seemed to have a good sense of dogs and lots of free  information and he noted worms in dogs can be treated easily and cheaply.  The author identified the 4 types of worms a dog can get, and some are pretty awful, even ending in death in rare cases.  Reading the descriptions provided I came to the conclusion Buster looked like he had a less potent type of worm which eased my mind, and the cure was simple.

ValleyVet.com is the site and SAFEGUARD DEWORMER-DOGS is the stuff.  For about $20 total they will send you this medicine in a couple of days. It’s called fenbendazole and it treats roundworms, hookworms, whipworms and tapeworms in dogs and puppies.   After three days of this stuff in Buster’s food he is a new dog.  His skin is looking great, his hair has stopped falling out, he’s starting to gain some weight back and he’s back to his normal joyful self.  (I have also added some fish oil to his food for skin purposes and he’s doing just fine.)

Butch Wife Tip #26

This whole event brought up some things for me.  When it comes to pets, I don’t think anyone can deny these cuddly little guys tug at your heart strings in ways you can’t ignore even if you are a strong Butch Wife.  I think sometimes I love my pets more than some people I know.  Especially dogs.  They seem to have a special empathy with humans other animals just don’t.  When they get sick an incredible feeling of helplessness comes up in me and all the seeming strength of character and confidence in myself will quickly disappear into fear and uncertainty.

Fortunately in my experience your dog will tell you in his way when he doesn’t feel good.  I found you just need to pay attention and look.  Those pleading eyes of theirs will delve into your soul at your very first glance and by some miracle convey their very deepest thoughts and feelings directly to your heart.  Don’t look away, as a stronger love connection cannot be found than that of your dog for you and vice versa.  Don’t look away, as your dog will eagerly share with you every ounce of their loyalty even if you don’t ask for it.  Don’t look away, your dog will love you unconditionally, healthy or not, for as long as he or she lives which is hard to find anywhere.  Don’t look away, as you will never regret experiencing the joy of having a dog in your life.  Don’t look away, I’m just sayin’.

 

Butchwife-Extraordinaire-in-TrainingMartinique 2011 156-Julie at Ti Sable

 

 

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#22 – Beware the Invasion of the Alien Chore Spores!!!!

21 Aug

Today I did something I have never done before in my life without some forethought and planning – I unconsciously took all my tee shirts out of my drawer, refolded each, and carefully stacked them back into the drawer in categories of type.  OMG!! Something has come over me and it’s insidious.  I didn’t even realize I was doing it until it was done and I sat on the bed staring at a perfectly organized clothes drawer!  The only thing I could think of that made me do this was I must be sick, but I felt fine.  I checked my head for a fever and everything seemed cool.  No obvious aches or pains were surfacing from inside my gut.   I hadn’t ruled out a nervous disorder but I didn’t experience any twitches or shakes.  No matter where I checked everything in my physical life seemed fine.

Then I started thinking I was perhaps having a nervous breakdown.   I have to admit this was a hard diagnosis to accept since I have been extremely relaxed over these past few days with life seemingly good on most fronts. But one never knows when dark thoughts and feelings will come creeping in on their own and take over your consciousness with not so much as a ‘bye your leave!’  This possibility started to make some sense to me.  After all I just reached into that drawer for a tee shirt and without any hesitation whatsoever refolded it neatly.  I’ve heard such unconscious actions could even be indicative of a body-snatching entity lurking in your blood stream, taking control of your mind, and making a person do things they would never have done in the past.   I gotta say it seemed to fit the circumstances at first glance.

So I decided if indeed I had become possessed by alien spores, at least they were neat freaks, so how bad could that be?  Until I thought, would a true Butch Wife allow herself to be overwhelmed by some alien, wind surfin’ bacteria blowing up her nose to infect the left side of her brain and incite it to do chores?  Of course not!

But then there’s the physical evidence that something in my Butch Wife mode was out of sync……my tee shirt drawer was perfectly organized and I had done it totally out of the blue.  It wasn’t a planned chore for the day; it wasn’t just straightening the shirts out a bit because it included organizing them by type as well.   Something was definitely odd about my behavior.

I have come to accept the fact that semi-retirement from corporate life can make one susceptible to what I like to call ‘the unconscious chore syndrome.’  It impacts your ability to lounge without a care in the world.  All of a sudden you are washing that dish before putting it in the dishwasher, or you start dusting the table while you are sitting watching TV.  It definitely takes away your sense of control once you realize you did an unplanned chore just for the heck of it.  And it can last for several hours or even days if you don’t take steps to block its progress as soon as you can.

Butch Wife Tip #22

I would suggest a strong verbal rebuttal to shake your brain loose from the grip of this alien chore spore disease.  Perhaps a loud, forceful “NO!” every time the very thought of doing a chore.  At least by yelling “NO!” you might  begin to feel these alien chore spores start to retreat and mind control start to return to you.  If that doesn’t work, avoid eye contact with anything out of place, askew, or needing washing for at least 48 hours.  I suggest lots of outdoor activities to keep you away from any cleaning materials in your house.  Or try going to the movies where your mind can get caught up in the adventures of the show and thus, not give rise to stronger alien chore spore enticements.  Sleep during the day and play loud music at night while keeping the lights down low.  This will help to avoid eye contact with any chore lurking in the corners trying to gain your attention and eventually your soul!

Or if none of that helps and you still find yourself unconsciously doing house chores ‘just because,’ call me.  I have lots of chores that could be done in my house and am willing to give you all the time you want to complete them for me.   In particular if you have a craving for dust bunny cleanup ANYTIME, just let me know.

Julie

Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

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#21 ‘Good’ Butch Wife – Step One

15 Aug

We went to a movie the other night to see the latest Meryl Streep and Tommy Lee Jones movie about mature relationships.  It was fun as these two actors blend well and added a sense of depth to a rather old story of unattended love.  I have to admit, though, the movie did bring up a feeling of unease in me.  As the characters interacted with one another I began to wonder if I was taking my relationship for granted.  It’s hard to know right off the bat I think.  How does a good Butch Wife tell if she is really being ‘a good’ Butch Wife?

So on the way home from the movie I started thinking about my marriage.  We’ve been together almost 30 years.  We share just about everything except meditation and golf.  When I try to meditate with a bunch of people sitting on their heels for some reason I get the giggles. I don’t know why, I just do.   Also paying attention to what my mind is doing at any particular moment can be an exercise in futility for me.  And she thinks golf is the stupidest sport in the world, with a bunch of people dressed in silly clothes chasing a little white ball around 3 miles of grasslands. I see her point, but nonetheless love to play as often as possible.

I make a point to tell her I love her every day.  For me, being a ‘good’ Butch Wife also means taking care of stuff in the house without being asked to do it.  I’m still working on that one as its becoming increasingly clear to me the amount of stuff to be done everyday just to have a comfortable life never seems to end!  I am still battling an ongoing war with our ever present dust bunnies.  I’m convinced there is something that will destroy these suckers forever out there but I just haven’t found it yet.

We try to never go to bed angry, and if there IS an issue to deal with, we try to remember how to fight fairly.  I quite honestly can’t imagine a life without her and I’m pretty sure she feels the same, so we must be good, right?  Sounds that way but how do you know for sure?

Maybe ensuring a good relationship should entail a daily reminder for us.  When I was in business I had my daily reminder calendar to keep up on the things I had to do for the day.  It was handy, took only a few moments to review and kept me from forgetting important due dates that could eventually lead to a raise.  I still use reminder alerts on my smart phone.  Just can’t seem to let go of some corporate habits I guess.

So I started putting together a preliminary Daily Butch Wife Relationship Checklist.  Let me know what you think.

  • Wake up and hug your wife.
  • Brush your teeth pretty early on after waking to get rid of any birdcage breath that lingers from the night before, and certainly before you kiss her.
  • Kiss your wife.
  • Tell your wife she looks terrific.  If you forget this one, go to step one, part B and start again.
  • A daily shower may not seem necessary to point out but when you’re semi-retired like me that may not happen every day without a reminder.
  • Comb your hair.  Some days it just doesn’t seem worth it but you know she probably wants to look at something better than pointy gray hairs sticking up every which way out of your head.
  • Smell your pits just in case you forgot something in the shower.
  • As much as you want to wear that comfortable, soft, yet stained sweatshirt every day until it turns to threads, change it periodically for a clean shirt.
  • Laugh with her every day.
  • Dance with her with abandon when your favorite song comes on the radio.

This is just a start to a “Daily Good Butch Wife Relationship Checklist” so add your own stuff as you see fit.

Butch Wife Tip #21

After much contemplation and some side tracks into other topics, I have found the need to tend to one’s love relationship consistently as a ‘must do.’  Using checklists or just your good sense of considering others feelings as much as your consider your own can be helpful in ensuring you don’t fall into the abyss of taking her for granted.  And if you do find yourself in that abyss, get out – get out quickly! Being there for any length of time will overcome you and swallow your love whole before you know it.

Julie, Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

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#19 Home again, home again, jiggidy, jig!

4 Aug

After several weeks of walking and driving through France, I have to admit it’s nice to come home.  “Re-entry” is going rather well, as our house is still in relatively good shape, the animals are alive and loving us, and I even lost some weight due to the healthy eating and exercising we did while on the road.  Ahhhhhhhh…..life is good.

But wait, what’s this?  Chores? Chores are required again??? Do these things NEVER stop???  Groceries, cooking, cleaning, laundry, dog walking, flat tire fixing, cob web chasing, weed pulling, fence mending -  yep, this one got our attention while on the road.  The guests staying in our house emailed us a few weeks into our stay in France about “a funny thing” happening to our fence.  My initial thoughts while reading this email was, “Really?  I never thought of my fence as funny, but hey, I’ll bite.”  “…just a small fire” they said, “…caused by a cigarette smoldering at the base of our fence.”  OMG!  My immediate reaction was not even remotely close to “Ha, ha, that was funny.”  Call me crazy but somehow that kind of news just doesn’t seem to fall into the ‘funny’ realm for me.  Not even a little giggle came to mind.  I’m just sayin’……

Anyway, coming home from a perfectly lovely long vacation in a part of the world that is just stunning and filled with all kinds of things to delight one’s senses can be disappointing in some ways.  But when one is coming home to San Francisco, which is stunning in its own way, it makes it much easier to adjust, I have to admit.  The trick I have been using recently for tackling those mundane, everyday life chores again is to think I am still in France, driving through small 11th, 12th, and 13th century villages looking for our daily croissants and baguettes. I understand Costco is a far cry from 12th century France but hey, one’s imagination can make anything look better if you just try a little.

Butch Wife Tip #19

Take time to get back into your life when you’ve been away from it for a while.  Treat yourself to some nights out and don’t just jump at those required chores right away.  Let the calming of your vacation stay with you as long as possible because those damn chores will still be there no matter what!  So give yourself and your wife a break and ignore them for a few days.  Makes re-entry a whole lot easier….trust me.

Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

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#18 Journey Proud

25 Jun

This Butch wife and her Femme wife are headed out into the world over the next month, so the blog will be on vacation for a while.  I did want to talk a bit about preparing for such a trip.  Packing can be tense.  What to take?  How much to take?  Predicting the weather at the places we plan to visit well beyond what any official forecasters are willing to do can be exhausting.  Do you need two tubes of toothpaste or will you be sharing with others?  Do you lay your clothes flat in a suitcase, neatly folded or rolled?  I’m a roller, myself, as it seems to keep the wrinkles down better.

I read a Ricky Steves travel guide-book once that recommended the ideal amount of ‘stuff’ to take on a trip.  It broke down something like this:  2 pair of pants, five shirts, five pair of underwear and socks, a sweater and jacket, a swimsuit just in case, maybe a hat if you’re a hat person, and your toiletries.  Seemed sensible.  After all, you can always go to a laundromat and wash things each week.  And since you really don’t tend to see the same people all the time, repeating your daily garb won’t be apparent to anyone you run into the next day except you and your wife.  However with my wife, color coordination and a theme are essential to appropriate packing.  I won’t go into the details about this, but suffice to say, if everything you take doesn’t mix and match, you are forever banned from stepping onto foreign soil. (I keep it simple with blacks and whites as these go with anything.)

Do you notice a general tension before you take off on a trip? I do.  My housekeeper from growing up used to call this being ”journey proud.”  Great term isn’t it? Journey Proud.  Being excited about going to a place – even in our case where we don’t speak the language well, are not sure how to order our food easily, can’t read the road signs, and have absolutely no idea where ANYTHING really is.  Now that’s journey proud.

Being journey proud doesn’t stay with you.  We’ve always found once we are out in the world and away from our home country, the journey pride tension disappears almost immediately.  Our desire to experience different cultures takes over, and getting lost is a general state of being for us while on the road.  Eventually we do find ourselves with enough maps, but the stories we get into while lost have always been fun.

So to my loyal followers out there, thank you so much for encouraging me to keep writing.  Please ask your friends if they would like to follow the blog as well.  We will, however, be offline for a month.   We do a travelogue while on the road for friends and family and will continue that during this trip.  For all others, please be patient and I will get back into the blog in August.   Until then, bon voyage, y’all!  (Do you think the French will mind the colloquialism?  Probably.)

Butch Wife Tip #18

When getting ready for a trip, be easy on one another.   And if you are journeying to another country, check out the gay laws before you go because some places will shoot you for being gay.  Those places I would recommend you avoid.

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

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#9 Don’t Forget About Life

22 May

http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/xHkq1edcbk4?rel=0

Butch Wife Tip #9

Take some time to smell the roses.  A dear friend shared this with me and I thought it worth sharing with all of you.  Enjoy!

Julie  Butch Wife Extraordinaire-in-Training

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