Today I did something I have never done before in my life without some forethought and planning – I unconsciously took all my tee shirts out of my drawer, refolded each, and carefully stacked them back into the drawer in categories of type. OMG!! Something has come over me and it’s insidious. I didn’t even realize I was doing it until it was done and I sat on the bed staring at a perfectly organized clothes drawer! The only thing I could think of that made me do this was I must be sick, but I felt fine. I checked my head for a fever and everything seemed cool. No obvious aches or pains were surfacing from inside my gut. I hadn’t ruled out a nervous disorder but I didn’t experience any twitches or shakes. No matter where I checked everything in my physical life seemed fine.
Then I started thinking I was perhaps having a nervous breakdown. I have to admit this was a hard diagnosis to accept since I have been extremely relaxed over these past few days with life seemingly good on most fronts. But one never knows when dark thoughts and feelings will come creeping in on their own and take over your consciousness with not so much as a ‘bye your leave!’ This possibility started to make some sense to me. After all I just reached into that drawer for a tee shirt and without any hesitation whatsoever refolded it neatly. I’ve heard such unconscious actions could even be indicative of a body-snatching entity lurking in your blood stream, taking control of your mind, and making a person do things they would never have done in the past. I gotta say it seemed to fit the circumstances at first glance.
So I decided if indeed I had become possessed by alien spores, at least they were neat freaks, so how bad could that be? Until I thought, would a true Butch Wife allow herself to be overwhelmed by some alien, wind surfin’ bacteria blowing up her nose to infect the left side of her brain and incite it to do chores? Of course not!
But then there’s the physical evidence that something in my Butch Wife mode was out of sync……my tee shirt drawer was perfectly organized and I had done it totally out of the blue. It wasn’t a planned chore for the day; it wasn’t just straightening the shirts out a bit because it included organizing them by type as well. Something was definitely odd about my behavior.
I have come to accept the fact that semi-retirement from corporate life can make one susceptible to what I like to call ‘the unconscious chore syndrome.’ It impacts your ability to lounge without a care in the world. All of a sudden you are washing that dish before putting it in the dishwasher, or you start dusting the table while you are sitting watching TV. It definitely takes away your sense of control once you realize you did an unplanned chore just for the heck of it. And it can last for several hours or even days if you don’t take steps to block its progress as soon as you can.
Butch Wife Tip #22
I would suggest a strong verbal rebuttal to shake your brain loose from the grip of this alien chore spore disease. Perhaps a loud, forceful “NO!” every time the very thought of doing a chore. At least by yelling “NO!” you might begin to feel these alien chore spores start to retreat and mind control start to return to you. If that doesn’t work, avoid eye contact with anything out of place, askew, or needing washing for at least 48 hours. I suggest lots of outdoor activities to keep you away from any cleaning materials in your house. Or try going to the movies where your mind can get caught up in the adventures of the show and thus, not give rise to stronger alien chore spore enticements. Sleep during the day and play loud music at night while keeping the lights down low. This will help to avoid eye contact with any chore lurking in the corners trying to gain your attention and eventually your soul!
Or if none of that helps and you still find yourself unconsciously doing house chores ‘just because,’ call me. I have lots of chores that could be done in my house and am willing to give you all the time you want to complete them for me. In particular if you have a craving for dust bunny cleanup ANYTIME, just let me know.